Did you ever have a debate with someone who wins the argument even though they are wrong?
Modern science is founded on the principal of discovering the laws of nature so that we better understand our lives, planet and the universe. Our legal and political system, math and sciences and philosophy, are based on the belief that truth can be found through experimental and observational research.
In our legal system, justice is blind to emotions as it searches for the truth. Defense and prosecuting attorneys present evidence to a jury so that the guilt or innocence of the defendant can be found. This is a profoundly important endeavor because the results lead either to freedom or life imprisonment or execution of the defendant.In truth, winning is more important to people than arriving at the truth.
Despite our best efforts to find the facts and arrive at the truth, so the article hypothesizes, in the end, emotions intrude and winning becomes most important.Even though all of folks are very sincere in their beliefs, winning is most important. That is why they become so incensed with one another.
A couple comes into marriage therapy because they are miserable about their constant fighting. Presumably, they want to feel better and move on with marriage. In point of fact, each presents evidence of how terrible the other is. The other presents the same facts, from a differen point of view and with a different conclusion. The real objective of each is to win the argument.Too many PEOPLE complain about the impossibility of getting a relative to understand their point of view, or, at the very least, to listen. They, too, become frustrated and angry. The other individual wants to win rather than understand where I am coming from.
So, what to do?
One very good solution to dealing with the frustrations associated with arguing, is to simply not argue. In many ways, these types of debates become a study in obsessional thinking. It just goes around and around with no one winning, except that, if you lose the argument, you will probably go away feeling angry and, maybe, stupid. Why continue to argue? Find people who are like minded in your thinking. Remember, just because someone presents the absolute facts about a situation, does not mean they are right about their conclusions. Just let it go. It’s not worth the stress.
If you are in a marriage where the conflict continues then you had better discover what purpose the conflict serves. Even the attempt to win usually has underlying factors. Ultimately, it is best to see marriage as a joint venture having nothing to do with winning and losing.